well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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