I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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