You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
