Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
