did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
