Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
