made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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