I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
