Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
