We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
