one two three fourrrrnication!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
