I'm eating all of the evidence.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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