So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
