Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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