Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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