my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
