so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
