In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
