11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
