so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
a search helicopter?!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
