is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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