I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
