I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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