i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
