Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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