dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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