Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
