Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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