she woke up with a sticky ear
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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