New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
