maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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