kristin has been a bad kristin
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
