Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
