dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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