Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
