I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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