Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
