I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
