How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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