how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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