I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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