I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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