I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
