whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
