If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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