I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
