I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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