i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
