Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
