I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
