Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
