i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
