Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
