How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
