When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
