Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
