My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
